Health insurance is more fun if you treat it like a game

> look
You are in a twisty maze of insurance forms, third-party authorities, and provider networks, all alike.
> file claim
You fill out a claim form for your wrist therapy and drop it in the mail.
> wait
Time passes...
> wait
More time passes...
> wait
Weeks pass. Your claim returns in the mail, rejected, with a brief explanation at the bottom.
> read explanation
The words are English, but somehow meaningless. As far as you're concerned, it could be written in Sanskrit.
> call insurance company
Home, auto, life, or health?
> health
I don't know how to "health".
> call health insurance company
The phone at the other end is ringing.
> wait
Time passes...
A mechanical voice answers. It explains that all operators are currently helping other customers, and would you like to leave a message?
> leave message
What would you like to say in your message?
> leave name and number.
You leave a polite message with your name and phone number.
> wait
Time passes...
You get a call from your health insurance company.
> ask about rejected claim
Which one?
> ask about rejected claim for wrist therapy
The operator explains that since you are a new customer, they need an explanation from the doctor's office assuring that this was not a pre-existing condition. A copy was sent to the doctor's office and as soon as they receive a response they will provide a benefit on your claim. You thank the operator and hang up.
You have a headache.
> wait
Time passes...
> check mail
There is a bill from the doctor's office in your mailbox.
> open bill
They want a prodigious amount of money. There is a notice at the bottom saying that they have not received a response from your insurance company.
You have a headache. You can feel a vein throbbing in your right temple.
> call doctor's office
A mechanical voice answers explaining that it is 12:30 and everyone is at lunch.
> leave name and number
You leave a polite message with your name and phone number.
You have a headache. The tension in your neck is constricting the flow of blood to your brain.
> wait
Time passes...
You get a phone call from the doctor's office.
> which one?
Don't get pedantic with me!
> ask about bill
She says they haven't heard from your insurance company. Therefore the full amount due is your responsibility to pay.
> read explanation from rejected claim
She seems to understand the explanation, but she says that she hasn't received a copy.
> pound head on desk
You slam your head against the desk several times. You feel dizzy, but most of the pressure is gone for now.
> take claim to doctor's office
You get in your car and start driving to the doctor's office. Unfortunately you must have broken a blood vessel when you were beating your head on the desk. Halfway there, your vision goes red and your car careens off the road.
You have died.
You obtained $0 out of a possible $5000 in benefits. Would you like to play again?

I didn't know Ozzy Osbourne was a member of Elevation Partners

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I Guess I Should Fear For My Soul

We all suspected it, and now it's confirmed

I'll give you a little hint here: some of us, back when I was inside the fruity compound, occasionally held contests to see who could get the weirdest, most funky and outrageous, rumors posted to one of the major rumor sites.

- Chuqui 3.0

If it looks like pee, don't drink it

I'm done spending big bucks on any whiskey which is yellow. Good single malt whiskey should be brown. Think about it - Irish, Scotch, or American, all of the really flavorful whiskeys have a rich brown color. Now I do like Dewars White Label occasionally, but that's a blend, and a whole different financial category than a single malt like Auchentoshan or Knappogue. Those pale yellow-colored whiskeys just don't have the depth of flavor that I want from a single malt.

In My Defense, The Broiler Pan Was Dirty

1 oven on broil + 1 top rack + 1 quarter-sheet pan + 2 raw steaks = 2 delicious steaks + 1 ruined quarter-sheet pan.

Project Dresden

I know we're not supposed to laugh at our own jokes, but once in a while I find something I forgot I had written, and if it makes me laugh to see it again, I feel like I must have done something right.

Project Dresden

Things I Learned From Cartoons, #28

Any even vaguely boomerang-shaped object can fly thru the air, injure a cat, and then return safely to its owner's hand.